“His Treasure in Jars of Clay” 

Gayle Polinsky - The Potters Hand - FB_IMG_1533750757954
The Potters Hand by Gayle Polinsky

The Master was searching for a vessel to use; on the shelf there were so many, which one would He choose?  “Take me!” cried the Gold one, “I’m shiny and bright.  I’m of great value and I do things just right.  My beauty and luster will outshine the rest, and for someone like you, Master, I would be the best!”

The Master passed on and with no word at all; He looked at a Silver urn, narrow and tall. “I’ll serve you, dear Master, I’ll pour out your wine and be at your table whenever you dine.  My lines are so graceful and my carvings so true, and silver would always compliment You!”

But the Master passed on to the wide mouthed Brass jar –  which was shallow and polished like glass.  “Here! Here!” cried the jar, “I know I will do, place me on your table for all men to view!”

“Look at me,”  cried the goblet of Crystal so clear. “My transparency shows my contents so clear.  Though fragile – I will serve you with pride and would be happy to be by your side.”

The Master came to a jar carved of  Wood; polished and beautiful it solidly stood.  “You may use me dear Master,”  the Wooden bowl said, “but I would rather you use me for fruit please!  But definitely, not for Bread!”

Then the Master looked down and saw a jar of clay, empty and broken it helplessly lay.  With no hope that the Master might choose, to cleanse and make whole again, to fill and to use.  “Ah! This is the jar l I have been hoping to find.  I will mend it and cleanse it and make it all Mine!  I need not a jar with pride of itself, nor the one so narrow that sits on the shelf.  Not the one that’s big mouthed, shallow and loud, nor the one that displays it’s content’s so proud.  Not the one that thinks it can do all things just right – but this plain earthen jar of clay, filled with My power and might!”

Then gently He lifted this Jar of Clay, cleansed it and mended it and filled it that day.  He spoke to it kindly, “There is work you must do – you pour out to others and I will pour into you.”  

So once again remembering, with you, on this most beautiful Son-Kissed Autumn morning;  that our Heavenly Father is the Potter and we are the clay, to be molded and formed by His hand – each a Masterpiece with His Image – a Treasure!  Yes! Chosen to be filled with His fragrance, love, and light; to walk with His purpose on the path set before us – to bring glory to His Name – and to help others walk.  So I ask myself – Am I yielded and still in His Presence? Am I willingly pliable – choosing to place “all of me” into the Hands of my Savior, Jesus Christ? Am I allowing Him to mold me as  a “usable jar of clay”- after His will…not mine?  Will I go wherever He sends me?  And am I able to say from the depths of my heart…“Father, whatever You want – I will follow You!”

 From my Heart…

2 Corinthians 4:7-11

 

 

 

“Do you need a pack of cigarettes?”

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My precious Family celebrating Christmas together in 1976!

“Do you need a pack of cigarettes?”  “Well sure – that would be nice,” I answer, with my arms already filled with three plates of cakes and cookies – the leftovers from a gathering with friends!  Rationalizing in my mind – thinking, “Hey, that’s cool!” but my stomach tells the real story with that sick gnawing feeling growing deep inside me – as I could hardly hold my head up and wanted to run out the door – to breathe…

Have you noticed how once we have molded a judgement towards others, even those we say we love, especially, those who are considered walking in a lowly place  – that we do not take the time to really see them?   As it becomes safe for us to keep placing people in categories instead of allowing them the freedom, without our judgments, to be themselves.  As you see I have been in both places – as I was on Welfare for a period of time in my own life while raising my children.  And I used to think, “Do I even have any worth or value?”  As it seemed as if my needs overwhelmingly voided out my worth.

I had to ask myself if I have done this very same thing, that deeply hurt my heart, to others who are in the same position as I had been – by capitalizing on their needs and by-passing their worth. As I walked deeply in guilt and shame while wearing the clothes of strangers.  It is not easy to walk humbly before others – who gratefully, give from their wealth, and also, from their hearts – but to still feel that you are not seen as a person of value.

As the Holy Spirit reminded me that when I judge others – that we are not to judge – as it’s not our place – as there is only one Judge who is righteous and that is our Heavenly Father.  Because when we do choose to judge –  we then sit safely behind a wall of self-righteousness – with truly no love at all.  But what we are asked to have is a spirit of discernment which is like a panorama of glass –  for us to be able to see clearly with Godly wisdom and still be safe.  This was an humbling enlightenment for me as I asked my Heavenly Father for His forgiveness – as it really hit me hard!

So when we see someone who doesn’t quite look, or think, or fit into the mold that others consider acceptable –  it’s good for us to remember those days when we didn’t quite measure up and didn’t fit into the mold others had carved out for us.  But, gratefully, our Savior finds us worthy – as truly He does leave the Ninety-Nine and goes in search to find the One who is lost and floundering – to bring us safely into His care and keeping – cleansed, clothed, and fed, in the warmth of His love – chosen, adopted, forgiven, and accepted –  forever and for all time.  Imperfect? Oh yes!  Blessed?  Absolutely!

So, once again, I ask myself am I focusing only on the needs of others; while not valuing their worth?  What is my heart attitude towards others and those placed in my care?  Are my words lifting them up and encouraging them to walk…with hope?  Am I sharing the love of Jesus, not only in words, but with my actions? And am I being the fragrance, love, and light of Jesus?  Or are my words and actions tearing them down? And am I grieving the Holy Spirit who lives within me?

Just some food for thought as a reminder for me and, maybe for you; so we never forget from “whence we came…and what shoes we once wore.”

From my Heart…

 

“Number 328”

Honda 250 1986- Geoff Ryan IMG_2077 (1)
“1986 Honda XR250 Number 328” – This is the actual Dirt Bike I rode!***

I awakened on this beautiful Saturday morning  with great anticipation of what laid ahead for me.  As it was a gorgeous Summer’s Day with clear blue skies as the sun was already warming the earth.  As truly “this is the day the Lord has made” – and this was also the day planned with my friends, Tom and Kate, to venture down to a mutual friends home in Gary Indiana – Geoffrey Ryan – who is a vintage Motorcycle racer, and who was also instrumental in teaching Kate how to ride.   Yes!  Today was to become the day I would learn how to ride a motorcycle on my own.

To my disappointment Tom and Kate had to cancel due to the tiredness of her first pregnancy – and said that Geoff would call, and if I didn’t mind, could I go by myself.  So I spent the morning with my Heavenly Father and placed this day into His hands.  And as promised, received the seemingly long awaited call from Geoff  at 12:30 p.m. – who wanted me to drive down to Gary, Indiana and meet him at the corner of Route 20 and Ripley – in a vacant parking lot behind the Ponderosa!

I arrived at 3:00 p.m. – and leaning up against a lamp post sat Geoff seated on his “Honda XR250 Dirt Bike – Number 328.”  As I said, out loud, “God help me!”  Without my knowledge my “Trio of Friends” had decided that a dirt bike was the best way for me to learn how to ride.  Their reasoning – if I could ride a dirt bike I would be able to handle any street bike.

Yes!  I was all ready and dressed to ride – in jeans, wearing my new “Doc Martin” boots, which to my great surprise, and relief, felt wonderful.  As going through the pain of breaking them in had paid off!  Of course, I was wearing my favorite Harley top a treasure from my trip to Scottsdale, Arizona.  In my mind, I was all set to ride!  I also wore Kate’s riding gloves and Geoff’s helmet for protection.   As I thought, “Perfect! What could possibly go wrong?”

Geoff started the “328” and gave me verbal instructions on the use of the clutch, the throttle, the gears and then said, “Get on!”  That was easier said than done, as when I got onto the bike, and tried to balance it, my feet did not touch the ground.  The only way for me to balance the bike was literally on my toes.  This made me feel very insecure.   I put the bike into first gear, let out the clutch slowly, turned the throttle for power, and while Geoff was holding onto the bike I started to move her forward.  We repeated this procedure many times.  Then he told me to give the bike more throttle, and before I knew it, I was riding around the parking lot, balanced, on my own – with my feet actually on the pegs!  To stop – I would slow down, pull in the clutch and coast to a stop – again – putting my toes down to balance.  I was thrilled and oh so proud of myself!

Geoff then instructed me on how to use the foot brake which was located on my right side.  He said, “No more coasting to a stop!”  So off I went, and all was well, until I tried to reach for the brake with my foot – and started to lose my balance and in my panic, realizing I was falling, grabbed the throttle which thrust the bike out from underneath me and threw me flying off the bike onto the asphalt!  Geoff came running over and helped me up while stabilizing the “328!”  And I thought, ” What am I doing? Am I crazy to want to do this?” as my fantasy now had a hard twinge of the reality buried within it – by what had just taken place.  But what was even more incredible – was the fact that I was not physically hurt, not even a scratch!

As I stood trembling brushing myself off…my heart was racing…and I had to bend over to try to steady my knees, which were now shaking uncontrollably.  I stood in disbelief as this all happened so quickly and was completely out of my control.  It was frightening!  Geoff seemed to know what was going through my mind as he started up the bike and said, “Get on! You must always ride after a fall!”  As fear was now all over me, but in obedience I was able to get back onto the bike, but this time, with a brand new respect.  Once again, I rode around the parking lot – and by now Geoff had come to the realization that I was totally unable to reach the foot brake due to the size of the bike and me.  So now he instructed me on how to use the hand brake – and as I would ride he would yell, “Use the brake!” And when I did, to my surprise the “328” came to an instant stop which enabled me to balance more easily.

I was now given an assignment from Geoff  who said, “Before we end this lesson you must start and stop fifteen times!” So I would ride about twenty feet, stop by the use of the hand brake, release it, and immediately keep my hand on the throttle to keep the bike running.  Each time when I stopped – Geoff would count off the number I had just completed.  It was really funny – because he had become my own personal instructor and trainer.  Then he said, “Take the bike for a ride and we’ll call it a day!”  So off I rode, made my turns carefully, talked ‘out loud’ to my Heavenly Father, and to myself, and to the “328” and came to my final stop!  I had done it!  I simply could not stop smiling and the joy I felt within me was overwhelming – as I had truly accomplished that which I set out to do.

Geoff and I talked and shared a meal together  – and we even read the scripture concerning putting on the “Full Armor of God” found in the book of Ephesians.  Truly an appropriate subject for this day.  We laughed together as he told me that the ‘falling lesson’ usually comes later on, but that I had taken care of it on my first time out.  Remarkable as it was, I did not have a mark on me; as Geoff commended me on falling correctly as if I had been given lessons.  Once again, I saw my Heavenly Father’s hand in all of this as it says in Psalms 91 that “He gives His Angels charge over us!” 

11:30 p.m – it was time to return home.  A handshake when I arrived, now a hug goodbye, as we were now friends.  We talked of doing this again for my second lesson –  and then I said my goodbyes to my now bonded “Honda 250 – Number 328″…never to be forgotten!  As I sat in my car, Geoff told me how very well I did, and how impressed he was with what I had accomplished, and even more than this, how I had executed everything perfectly.  I was thrilled.  And then he said, “The next time we’ll try second gear!”  Oh my goodness…how we laughed…as I had done all of this riding for over two hours, all in first gear!  I thought, “There must be a lesson in all of this!”

I was simply in awe of how our Heavenly Father had orchestrated this day for me – Yes! A special gift from His heart of love – with the help of my friends.  Giving me the desire of my heart to ride a motorcycle on my own – even though briefly.  He showed me, once again, just how much He does love and care about every aspect of our lives.   As I was deeply grieving at this time, and gratefully, this was the first of many times when I was able to step outside of myself – and my circumstances – to see with new eyes who I was becoming – as I continued on my healing path with my Shepherd.  To once again be able to choose, and embrace, the joy of living!  As I will never forget this day – a day full of God’s Love and the instructor He chose to guide me through it!  And Yes!  It was also so much fun!

And as I was driving home under the beauty of the night sky – where the stars were  bright and sparkling as if they were diamonds placed on black velvet –  I turned on XRT Radio and sure enough they were playing the live concert recording of Stevie Ray Vaughn’s 1989 Tour, “Double Trouble.”  Yes! Blues all the way home – my most favorite music!  It was perfect! And as I closed my eyes on this memorable day – actually now at 1:50 a.m. on Sunday – God’s Sabbath Day – remembering every detail of each precious moment in the quietness of His presence…I still had a smile on my face with His precious peace buried deep within my heart and soul…

From my Heart…

From Original Writing  – Saturday, July 13, 1996

***1986 Honda XR 250 was purchased by Geoff for $400.00 with no papers of any kind or mention – who rode it home on the rear rim with a broken case (new set from Honda).   Rebuilt in 1996 by Geoff’s friend Jerry!  “Number 328” was still competitive as recently as August 3, 2018 where it garnered Second Place at the AMA Vintage National Dirt Track at Marion City Speedway.  This was Geoff’s last motorcycle race.  Now its onto multi-day trail rides this year in Utah, Minnesota, and Michigan.

Creation – God’s Masterpiece!

Rocky Mountain Range - Gayle Polinsky - FB_IMG_1533750432686 (2)
Rocky Mountain Range by Gayle Polinsky

Yes! It’s one of those days when I feel within my spirit the need to draw even closer to my Heavenly Father  –  while sitting in the Intimate Place within our Sanctuary – with lights dimmed – simply waiting for the dawning of this new day.  To enjoy and receive His daily gift from His heart to us –  asking me, once again, not to worry but to place my trust in Him – above all else!

And then as the sun rises –  I hear the choir of Sparrows singing together right outside our open window, with their morning song of worship to their Creator.  This is a daily occurrence – no matter what the weather brings – they sing songs of gratefulness for each new day.  We affectionately call this area “The Bird Sanctuary!”   I am in awe that we have the privilege to partner with our Heavenly Father to feed them along with our community of neighbors.  We also found that the Sparrows actually sing three times a day – and when they are through singing – they swoop down together to eat – it’s amazing to see and to hear!  And what a beautiful example for us to remember to be grateful for all things, the good, the bad and the ugly…which our Heavenly Father allows to slip through His fingers of Love to us! And if, per chance, we forget to do our part in feeding the birds – whose seeds also drop down to feed the squirrels, ducks, and rabbits – our Heavenly Father never forgets – as He is faithful! Actually blows me away that He cares so much about all of His Creation!

In my reading today which just happens to be Isaiah 40 where we are again reminded that we, as humans, are frail like the grass and as flowers that are here for a short time and then they wither and fall.  As He reminds us that  “He tends to His Flock like a Shepherd; and gathers the Lambs in His arms and carries them close to His Heart…”  And even though “He sits enthroned above the circle of the Earth,”  asking us to “Lift our eyes and look to the Heavens” to see who created all these things.  “…our Heavenly Father brings out the starry hosts one-by-one, and calls them each by name – and because of His great power and mighty strength, not one of them is missing!”  As He is the Master Artist who creates with His every stroke a beautiful tapestry.  A masterpiece – within each of our lives – with dashes of color here and there – that seem out of place – but which actually bring to fruition the uniqueness of His Majesty within the beauty of His Creation…we call Life!

And then I read what I had written in the margin of my Bible…”Stop questioning God – Stop doubting – Choose to Trust!”  So on this day, once again, as I look up into the vastness of the beautiful blue skies –  Yes! Up to the Heavens in a spirit of gratefulness – thanking our Heavenly Father for never giving up on us and for knowing that we are frail and human.  While daily offering us to freely eat the fruit from the Tree of Life –  to be restored with healing as we rest under it’s leaves – while being refreshed by the living water of the Word of God through Jesus Christ – our Shepherd – who calls us by name!  Breathless!

From my Heart…

 

Matthew 6:24-34; Isaiah 40; Revelation 22:1-3

 

 

 

Affectionately Yours…

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“Lizzie” was a once in a lifetime dog, chosen with care by my daughter Lisa with me.  She was a smart little puppy, with sparkling dark brown eyes, floppy ears, a tiny but long brown body, with a tail that wouldn’t stop wagging.  She won our hearts immediately.  Lisa had decided on another pup – the runt of the litter –  but Lizzie had tugged on my pants leg as if to say, “Choose Me!  Choose Me!” and so we did.  Since Lizzie was a registered Dachshund breed, with the American Kennel Club, her ‘legal’ name was “Lisa’s Lady Liz”…but to us she was six weeks worth of life, love, and licks who fit perfectly into our lives with ease, bringing happiness with her wherever she went.

At the age of two, Liz gave birth to her first, and only, litter of puppies, six boys and one girl.  Because her litter was unusually large for her breed, Lizzie became quite ill and lost her milk, so ‘Fur Mom’ took over the feeding schedule.  The doctor had told me that she would not regain her milk, and would probably become disinterested in her puppies, but not our Liz!  She mothered them constantly, and as I would place down each nursed pup – she would clean them from stem-to-stern.  Her dedication was unwavering, and within three weeks she had regained her milk, and had taken over full feeding until their weaning.  During this time of handling a household of puppies, we had an opportunity to purchase an eight week old male Weimaraner puppy, also a pure breed with the American Kennel Club;  who we named “Jason’s Lord Luke.”  Lizzie took all of this in stride and chose to mother Luke along with her own; and also, cleaned him along with her own pups – while training him to her every bark.  It was amazing to watch – as this reminded us of the Disney movie, “The Ugly Dachshund,” Yes! They became a natural comedy act together!

When each of my babies, Jason, Desiree, and Drew entered into our family, Lizzie loved and accepted them without question.  During my pregnancies she would wrap herself around my protruding tummy, and many times, her head bounced as my baby kicked her from within my womb.  She also tolerated all their loving attempts; from the pulling of her ears and tail, and of course, the many ‘tight-tight’ hugs of love.  Like all of us, she needed to be scolded for her naughty deeds, but forgiveness flowed easily with Liz. And whenever any of us became sick, sure enough, Lizzie was there to cuddle and comfort us – as she had become a very precious and intricate part of our family.

We had just celebrated Lizzie’s twelfth birthday on April 26th, gratefully, as Lizzie had endured through a year of so much illness – and seemed as if she was slowly dying as her joy, and energy, was almost gone.  Her stomach had swelled up because of her infected liver and kidneys, and she had also lost control of her bladder.  Also, her hips had given out, making it nearly impossible for her to walk.  We had been back and forth numerous times to her Doctor, and even though she was medicated, her illness was now conflicted by her age.  One evening I noticed blood all over our kitchen floor.   At first I thought that Lizzie was bleeding from her anus, but to my horror, her back paws were so flattened out by her swollen body, and her infection was so vast, that puss mixed with blood was oozing out of her paws.   I knew then, that before our very eyes, our precious Lizzie was disintegrating.  As I looked at her lying there, I asked the question, “Would God forgive me if I had Lizzie put to sleep?”  I called my Mother as she calmly told me, “Darling, we have a most merciful Heavenly Father.  Let’s pray together that God will either take Lizzie tonight, or that He will give you and the doctor wisdom when you take her in tomorrow.”  And as night fell and bedtime came –  I, once again, lifted Lizzie up to God in prayer and asked that His will be done, and that my decision would be clear.  I also lifted her back onto my bed to sleep with me, a twelve-year habit that we had been unable to break.  As I knew in my heart that this was for the last time.

The day started off like any other day, with the family scattering in all directions.  My appointment at the Care Animal Hospital was set for 2:00 p.m.  And as I drove my mind racing from one thing to another – hoping for a miracle – while trying to trust my Heavenly Father for the outcome.  And as I now sat uncomfortably in the hospital waiting room, trying to fight back the tears that were simply waiting to run down my face – a woman walked in and sat down next to me.  Immediately she started asking me questions about Lizzie, “Is she pregnant?”  “NO!” I answered, wishing she would stop talking and go away.  I watched as new pets arrived with their parents – and heard this  same woman asking them questions who would then proceed to talk to the individual animals.  For a few moments I found myself enjoying this caring woman, who obviously had a tremendous love for animals, especially, since she had arrived with no pet of her own.  Again, her attention turned to me, as I bravely explained about Lizzie’s condition and the decision I had yet to make.

“Lizzie Storm – Room Three!” announced the nurse.  I picked up Lizzie and walked into the sterile, uncomfortable room and waited.  The doctor arrived.  As we talked and considered all the possibilities for Lizzie – my tears now worked their way down my face, as his words pierced my heart.  “I can cure the infection, but Liz has already lived one year past her life expectancy for a Dachshund.  And she is in terrible condition.  She could have cancer and she is most definitely in pain both physically and emotionally.  I cannot guarantee that I can right her enough to have a normal life again.  I can, however, put her through tests that will be very painful for her.  The most humane thing to do is to have her put to sleep.” All the time he talked, Lizzie nuzzled her little head under my arm drawing closer to me, as she always had, me being her mom and protector.  The doctor went on, “Lizzie would be dead within two seconds, the shot is painless, and we would do it while you are still here.”  I could hear myself choke out, “Alright.”  Without a hesitation the doctor said, “I will leave you for a few moments to say your goodbyes.”  I held Lizzie as close as I could possibly hold her – and told her how much I loved her, as my heart broke.  I thanked her for being such an amazingly wonderful puppy and part of our family and for loving us the way she did.  My precious pup, of twelve years of love and devotion to end, as I whispered to her, “Please forgive me,” as the moment had arrived.  I held her little face in my hands, looking into those gorgeous big brown love eyes and said, “Goodbye my Darling!” and she was gone.

A cloud of darkness, cold and damp, immediately swept over me as I sat waiting in the sterile room – still hoping for a miracle.   Sobbing openly now, all my control was gone, wishing I could call him back and rescue my precious Lizzie.  The doctor returned, “Brenda, Liz is dead, I am deeply sorry.”  The finality of those words were more than I could bear.  Oh!  How alone I felt.  I tried to compose myself; as it seemed like forever, before I could make my way down the hallway to leave.  As I turned the corner there stood that woman who had sat with me in the waiting room, with arms outstretched – as I rushed to her like a little child and wept safely in her arms.  She told me how very sorry she was as she tried to comfort me saying, “I know how hard this was for you,” and all I could answer was, “Thank you for being here;” and ran outside into the open air.  Oh! How I needed to breathe – as the heaviness of grief was already on me – and I just couldn’t  believe that I was walking away without my precious Lizzie, my baby, in my arms.

When I woke up the next day I was overwhelmed with feelings of gratitude towards that woman who had walked with me – and realized that I didn’t even ask her name.  So I called the Animal Hospital and requested her name and address so I could thank her personally.  I described who she was and the situation – but they did not know who I was speaking about – and did not even remember the incident – other than being aware that our Lizzie was now gone.  I was awe struck – as the reality that our Heavenly Father had reached out and tenderly touched our lives, especially,  during this most difficult time – when a choice between life and death had to be made – was beyond my comprehension.  As our Shepherd, Jesus Christ, had been by my side all along, setting up a personal support system to help soften my decision and my pain – and to catch me when I was falling.  He prepared the doctor and sent a caring woman, a Ministering Angel, to love and comfort me – and also to hold me – filling my immediate need.  The scripture that came to me was, “If He cares and knows each Sparrow that falls, how much more does He care about me!”  Yes! He truly is God over all Creation, and He is also, our Abba Father who deeply loves us as His own. 

Yes, Life has gone on, but the precious memories of our Lizzie, of an Angel, and of our Heavenly Father’s unfailing Love, has been indelibly written on our hearts to treasure forever – never to be forgotten…

From my heart…

 

 

“Whisper Jesus!”

Sheep by Gayle Polinsky - Holmdel Park, NJ
Sheep peeking out at Holmdel Park, NJ by Gayle Polinsky

It was 3:00 a.m. on Saturday, September 11, 1971, in California, when  I was laying in a sleeping bag on the floor in the home of my brother’s soon to be Mother-in-law – because the house had become filled with out-of-town guests to celebrate their Wedding Day!  When I heard a man’s voice calling my name through the darkness.  It was a loud, strong, commanding voice – that not only startled me, but also, terrified me, especially, as I heard my name being called for a second time. “Brenda!”  By this time my heart was pounding and my mind was racing – as I lay frozen in place because I simply could not move – with fear holding every part of me –  as I tried to think of why this was happening, and I thought that I must have tripped on acid way too long! So I closed my eyes and tried to will myself back to sleep – when I heard the voice calling my name again for the third time. “Brenda!”   Then complete silence…

When this happened I slowly opened my eyes and saw two bare feet standing before me – and tied around His right big toe was a gauze bandage.  And because I was still laying on my stomach I could not see His face,  but was able to see that He was wearing a white robe that touched the top of His feet that was trimmed in gold – with a long sash that almost touched the floor, which also,  was trimmed in gold.  And like a child, I closed my eyes hoping He would be go away, when suddenly the lights went on as certain guests had been woken up to be with me in the living room.  As I shared my story,  because by this time I was weeping – as the presence of our Heavenly Father was overwhelming and  literally filled the room.  Yes, Jesus, my Shepherd; had called me by name three times as He reached out to me within my darkness and touched my heart with His love.

Many times, when I am speaking, I have chosen not to tell this story because people do not believe that God, through Jesus Christ, can touch our lives intimately and personally, and especially, supernaturally.  As it goes contrary to what we believe to be real.  So many times when I would share my story I would be asked,  “Why would Jesus have a bandage around His big toe? I must have been mistaken as He is God – it must have been an Angel.”  So I began to doubt.    Years later as I searched the Word of God I found in the book of 1 Corinthians 12:12-31 – which says that we are all intricate parts of the Body of Jesus Christ – as He is the head!  And verse 26 states:  “If one part suffers, every part suffers with it, and if one part is honored, every part rejoices with it!”  And yes! I was not only hurting but confused and very lost!   But when I raised my hands towards the Heavens on September 11, 1971 – at that very moment – the Holy Spirit came into me, and through me, from the top of my head right right through to the tips of my toes –  and amazingly – He also touched the life I was carrying within me – as I was four months pregnant with my second child – a Son – but I was also still embedded within the Hippie lifestyle actively partaking in all its deadly trimmings.

And when I look back and think about our beginnings…the good, the bad, and the ugly…and when I read God’s Word where my hope is securely found –  I realize that I cannot go back and change the damage of the past but I have learned that in the Hebrew language – that the very same word that is used for the past is also used for the future – as our Heavenly Father takes ‘both’ and weaves them together so that we are able to see with new eyes.  Even when we fall short and make serious mistakes and unwise decisions – He promises to take all things to ultimately use them for our good! As He is the God of the impossible – as all things are possible with Him!  And I know that one day we will all see with His eyes the beauty and tapestry of our lives – which have been intricately and perfectly woven together – in partnership with our Heavenly Father’s heart – who deeply loves us!

And yes!  Every year when September 11th arrives, and even more so since so many lives were lost and deep pain caused throughout our precious Country, by an evil act of hatred and terrorism perpetrated towards America on this same date.  I am always brought back to this precious time – remembering – the intimate time shared with our Shepherd, who is always reaching out to us, as He lays His Staff by our side to guide us over the rough places in our lives…and Yes!  Who calls each of us by name…

“Who turned to me and heard my cry, as He drew me up out of a horrible pit and set my feet upon a rock; steadying my footsteps and establishing my path.  And then He put a new song in my mouth – a song of praise to our God – so that many will see with great reverence and will learn to trust confidently in our Lord!”  (Psalms 40:1-3)

From my heart…

And on a side bar…deep within my heart I have always wished that I had been courageous enough to have reached out to touched the hem of His Garment…

1 Samuel 3:2-10

*Writing  from the “Stained Glass Window” still in process by Brenda Storm

Existing…Is that all there is?

Countryside Sunrise - by Gayle Polinski - FB_IMG_1530268689405
Countryside Sunrise at Monmouth Battlefield State Park by Gayle Polinsky

One morning the Holy Spirit spoke to me and said, “Stop worrying about your everyday lives as I will take care of all your needs and wants – as you are not here only to exist.  Choose to rise above this trap and spend more time with me and in your relationships.”  I thought, “Great! I can handle this!”  As this took all the pressure off me – as all I had to do is to simply hand over my every day cares to Him – totally and literally taking Jesus at His word.  And as I did this – and as I spent more time in His Presence – my daily routine became lighter.  Even as evening fell we would light candles for Him as our lives melted into an intimate sweet union with our Heavenly Father.

But sadly, and slowly, these precious moments with my Lord Jesus started to diminish.  Isn’t it amazing how we can start to overlook and take for granted our love relationships?  As the Holy Spirit whispered, “Each day I lay riches at your feet from my heart; specifically designed for you alone – but you are so caught up in your life, that you step over them and miss my daily blessings and my gifts for you!”  Oh! How sad and how very true!   In Matthew 13:22, Jesus is explaining the “Parable of the Sower,” as he said, “The seeds that fell among the thorns stand for those who hear the message; but the worries about this life and the love for riches choke the message, and they don’t bear fruit!”

How many of us are so caught up in the ‘formulas’ of  Christianity, in the philosophy of positive confession; in the doctrines of the Bible, and in the criticism of the Brethren (for their own good, of course!), while being so busy working for the Kingdom of God – that we are actually missing the mark daily? We are simply only existing if this is all we do!  As we indulge ourselves in the works we are actually building  self-righteous walls, brick-by-brick, until we are unable to see our Saviors face anymore.  Our relationship with Him no longer exists, as we are now just playing religious roles, and have become as the Word of God states – “noisy gongs and clanging bells!”   When this takes place in our spiritual life – it also – takes place in our earthly lives – which affects all of our relationships.

Because when we lose the one-on-one with our Heavenly Father, we also lose the one-on-one with our husbands, our children, our family, our friends, and with our co-workers – as it simply becomes a ripple affect!  As by our choice –  when we diminish our relationship with Him – we then have allowed ourselves to become robbed of the fullness and the sweet fellowship – which is ours for the asking – with Jesus Christ our Lord and Savior.   As we are not here on earth simply to exist!  We are here for living, for lessons, for growth, and to fulfill the call on our lives as we walk on the path together with our Savior, and also, within our relationships with one another.  As what a great price our Lord Jesus paid to open up our love relationship with our Heavenly Father; through the price of His life, and through His shed blood we are able to belong – forever into Eternity – within the Family of God!

So please – look around you – and see with new eyes – “His Eyes!” those He has placed by your side or in your care.  And as you sit in His presence – choose to treasure your time with Him and with those around you – really listen to them – encouraging their hopes and dreams – while helping to steady their walk as you learn to love them as Jesus does.  Yes! Work within the Kingdom of God, with your Brothers and Sisters – the Body of Jesus Christ – and let’s bring Jesus and His love and His light into this hurting world.

“Existing…Is that all there is?”  No!  Not with Jesus!  As He takes care of our existence! As He asks us to stop building walls that separate us – but to choose to tear down those strongholds that hold us back, so we are able to step-up into His sweet Presence.  Because if we will place our relationship with Jesus in first place and in priority to everyone and everything else – He will honor all of our commitments here on earth as we “…Seek first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things will be added and given to you!”  Priceless!

From my Heart…

Original Writing: March 13, 1983 – before spiraling back down into the darkness, once again, to feed off the scraps of life thrown my way – with no hope!  As when I asked the Holy Spirit what to post on my Blog –  He simply said, “Read your Writings!” I am literally blown away and also saddened, and also, grateful at the same time – with tears of joy – as  I am shown through the eyes of Jesus  – that He never gives up on us – never! As truly He is a Restorer of Lives…as honestly…I never thought I would be forgiven and redeemed – and that He would ever want me to serve Him again!  But with our Heavenly Father – we are His Prodigals who He is always watching and waiting for us to return to Him – to restore us back into His Family!  As truly He leaves the ninety and nine and searches for the One – and  I am deeply and humbly grateful to be called His chosen Daughter.  From my heart…  

The Sweet Fragrance of Love

 

Flowers by Natureland - February 2014 - 1556256_10151835880186269_250757387_o.jpg Do we believe that our Heavenly Father only makes “Originals” not duplicates? And since He designed us – He also wants to mold us – to remind us that we are not just one of many “sitting on the rack waiting” to be chosen. As we are His Originals – His Masterpieces to Glorify His Name!  Takes my breath away!  As we examine our hearts, while asking the important question, “Is my life poured out for Jesus?” Because for this to happen – we must be become broken, as Alabaster, to be used – to lay our lives down with a heart towards Jesus.  To listen to Jesus as our High Priest – to acknowledge Jesus as our Prophet…and to do all of this out of our Love for Him!

 “While Jesus was in Bethany, reclining at the table in the home of a man known as Simon the Leper, a woman (Mary) came with an Alabaster jar of very expensive perfume made of pure spikenard.  She broke the jar and poured the perfume on the head of Jesus.”  As the Disciples questioned this extravagant gesture of love – Jesus said, “She poured perfume on My body beforehand to prepare for My burial…and what she has done will also be told in memory of her”  (Mark 14:3-9) Mary was remembered.  The question here is, “Am I?” Do I truly have a heart with a deep love and appreciation for Jesus – which compels me, along with His devoted followers, towards meaningful actions?  Whew!

“Mary took about a pint of pure spikenard, an expensive perfume; she poured it on Jesus feet and wiped it with her hair.  And the house was filled with the fragrance of the perfume.” (John 12:9)  As Mary is sitting at the feet of Jesus breathing in His teachings as her High Priest, laying it all down, Mary chooses to anoint Jesus’ feet with precious oils, whose perfumes filled the entire room – symbolic of her deep love for Him.   As true devotion is not half hearted!  When Mary lets down her hair, which was actually frowned upon at that time; to wipe the feet of Jesus…was an act of pure devotion and obedience – regardless of the criticisms made towards her.   So wherever she walked the fragrance stayed with her. 

So the question being asked of me, and of you, is:  Is the fragrance of Jesus covering me that no matter where l go I am carrying His Fragrance with me? What is the scent of His Fragrance?  Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control – “the Fruit of the Spirit! ” with its pure and purposeful fragrance for us to embrace and to reflect Him!

As not everyone will accept the fragrance of Jesus as they ridiculed Mary. (Mark 14:4) But with Jesus it is “never wasted.”  As Jesus says,  “Leave her alone – she will always be remembered.”  As Mary had taken this “Divine Opportunity – a precious Moment – and “acted on it.” Yes! We too must become aware of our Divine Moments in our lives – to be used for the work and movement of God – and for us to choose to embrace the opportunities He gives us to serve Him.  If we over think it – we will then miss operating with our hearts open to reflect Jesus. As we are called by Jesus to step out of “our ordinary” and to step into the will of our Heavenly Father so we can become used by Him.

Remember – Mary knew it was right because she sat at the feet of Jesus. Are we choosing to sit at His feet? Because as Christ Followers we are asked to live lives worth remembering, and to show others, no matter where we walk or how difficult our path may be – to have a heart like Jesus. Carrying with us His Fragrance – His precious aroma of love tendered with His Glory!  As the Holy Spirit whispers, What precious perfume is right now locked inside your hearts that could be lavished upon our Lord Jesus? Am l willingly choosing to break the Alabaster jar that holds it, so l can become poured out at the feet of my Savior Redeemer?  So no matter where l walk, do l have the presence of the sweet aroma of my Savior Jesus Christ – not only surrounding me – but living within my heart – saturating my life from the inside out?  As I ask myself,  once again, “How will I be remembered?”

From my Heart…

The Beauty of Silence

Autumn Pathway with Gayle DeYoung - October 2017 -22555555_797628619885_7831260049405451255_o
Autumn Pathway by Gayle Polinsky

Yes! Once again, I am in the Intimate Place, within our Sanctuary;  where the Holy Spirit reminded me, again, that l need to learn how to “deeply rest” in the presence of my Heavenly Father.  To not only speak with my mouth, but more importantly, from my heart, soul, mind, and with my spirit – and to embrace the silence within His Presence.  As the *Psalmist wrote “For God alone my soul waits in silence – from Him comes my salvation – He alone is my rock, my fortress; I shall not be greatly shaken.”  So as I see more and more with new eyes, spiritual eyes; that  this is another reason why we are so tired, and restless, without true inner peace, is because we are so incredibly busy working hard to figure things out – that we become unable to hear the gentle whispers of the Holy Spirit who lives within us – who guides and directs our steps.  It’s amazing how hard it is for us to choose to learn how to stop striving and to embrace silence; especially, in this noisy world that we live in – which surrounds us.  And to learn how to be truly in the presence of our Heavenly Father – where we are able to allow God be God in the most intimate places within our lives – which in the end, is the only One who can change anything.

And as l read Exodus 14 – the amazing story of how our God freed the Israelite’s – where He asks Moses to “do his part” within this miraculous story – and tucked away within Exodus 14 – almost missed is verse 14 – “The Lord will fight for you, you need only to be still!” Huge! Realizing that one of the purposes of solitude is to give us an open door in which to enter into such stillness, so that our Heavenly Father can come in and do what only He can do.* As we, in our humanness, struggle with the capability of being still; while allowing our Heavenly Father, through Jesus Christ, in the power of the Holy Spirit; to fight for us – without learning the discipline of how to help us accomplish this…which is to be still!

As what our Father is asking of us is a very “deep kind of rest” that is so unnatural and unknown to us. And as l look back through these past months of solitude and silence – waiting – grieving – trusting – weeping – doubting; but also, with my heart overflowing with a new love, joy, and hope, with grace and mercy – as I choose to listen and obey and to follow Him – even when it goes completely against my natural bent.  I have to ask myself why am I struggling with my new life – as I feel like a butterfly encased in a cocoon, sometimes self-inflicted, forcing me to wait and trust to become reborn.  As what our Heavenly Father wants for me, and for all of us, is a deep and intimate relationship with Him – beyond our understanding – to trust Him, and to know Him personally, as a  Father loves His Child.  Yes!  A pure gift of Love!

From my heart…

 

*Psalms 62  – *Sacred Rhythms by Ruth Haley Barton